How to build a successful mentoring relationship?

by Valerie Hughes-D'Aeth

March 2021

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Life in today’s world can be very hectic and many of us find it difficult to make time to occasionally pause and stand back, reflecting on where we are going in our working life. Are we being as effective as we can be in our current job? Or perhaps we are looking to transition to a new job? 

 

A mentoring relationship can really help by providing space and a safe supportive environment in which to talk through different alternatives. But what do you need to consider? 

 

• Is it a coach or a mentor you are looking for? – A useful phrase to help you decide is that “A coach has some great questions for your answers, while a mentor has some great answers for your questions”. Coaches use structured models to focus on behaviour change and soft skills.  Mentors on the other hand are less rigid and tailor an approach to focus on specific individual and business related challenges. They use their experience, expertise and perspectives to provide practical advice and challenge. 

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• Are you clear about what you want to achieve? - In what specific way do you want to develop your skills and ability? What do you want to think/feel/know/do differently by the end of the mentoring relationship and how will this be of benefit to you? What will you and others notice that is different?

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• Do you want a mentor from within your organization or external? - Is someone from your workplace best placed to mentor you? Or are you looking for a mentor who can bring a different perspective and an open mind and who has no vested interest in the organization? Someone who can bring lived experiences from different environments while providing constructive challenge and a safe sounding board. A mentor who won’t be worried about corporate political risks and can be more transparent and objective. And someone who can also open doors to wider contacts. 

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• What qualities are looking for from your mentor? – Presumably someone who is well networked and who has relevant industry and/or professional knowledge? But also, someone who is passionate about investing time in your developmental growth and who is willing to give you honest constructive feedback?

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• Where can you find an external mentor? – Mentors can be from anywhere - someone you’ve met at a conference, a LinkedIn network connection, or a member of your professional body? Having identified someone of potential interest, don’t be afraid to ask them. Even if they don’t have the time and capacity they’ll probably be flattered to have been asked and you will have broadened your network

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• How do you formalize a mentoring relationship? -  Once you’ve had an initial conversation and agreed to work together, put together a mentoring agreement. Be clear on your developmental and business linked goals, and how progress and success will be evaluated. And outline how you will work together - the ground rules on openness, transparency and confidentiality and the frequency and duration of meetings. 

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• What happens in the meetings? – Always agree ahead of each meeting a loose agenda with specific topics to focus on. The discussion itself should then be two way, and the mentor will encourage you to reflect to develop new insights and make a commitment to act.

 

• How should the mentoring relationship conclude? – Once the objectives you jointly agreed have been achieved the formal mentoring relationship will usually end. However often a strong fellowship has developed that continues for many more years.

 

Does mentoring really make a difference? Lots of research concludes that those with mentors typically perform better at work and advance in their careers at a faster pace. They also appear to be generally happier. So, what’s stopping you? Think about what it is you really want to achieve and go and find that person who can really help.

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